Relationships

There is a moment in life when the heart begins to yearn, when the soul seeks its companion, when a person realizes that they are not meant to journey alone. The search for a zivug is not merely about finding someone to build a home with; it is about finding the one with whom to build eternity. Every neshamah was created with a chelek, a counterpart, and the task set before us is to find that one whom Hashem has set aside for us from before the creation of the world.

Chazal teach us that forty days before a child is formed, a bas kol announces, "Bas Ploni l’Ploni." Yet, despite this divine decree, we are given the bechirah, the free will, to approach this search with kedushah or, chas v’shalom, with the influences of the outside world. In a world that has distorted the meaning of relationships, where emotional connection has been replaced with fleeting infatuation, where commitment is overshadowed by selfish pursuits, the Torah’s vision of bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael stands as a beacon of emes.

To seek one’s zivug is not simply about finding a person who shares common interests, who fits into a preconceived notion of a spouse. It is about searching for one whose soul is aligned with yours in the service of Hashem, one who will uplift and not pull down, one who will encourage and not weaken, one whose very presence brings out the best version of yourself in avodas Hashem. The Torah does not guide us toward relationships built on externalities but rather on the depth of the neshamos that unite.

The yetzer hara, however, is strong, and he does not sleep. He knows the power of a Torah home. He understands that a marriage built on kedushah is a fortress against his influence, and so he fights. He places in one’s heart doubts, anxieties, hesitations. He whispers, "Maybe there is someone better. Maybe you are not ready. Maybe you need more time." But the yetzer hara is a liar, and his goal is only to delay, to confuse, to prevent a person from fulfilling the will of Hashem. The greatest weapon against him is clarity—clarity that marriage is not about self-fulfillment but about avodas Hashem, about creating a home where the Shechinah can rest.

The process of shidduchim is not always easy. It can be long, painful, filled with disappointments and frustrations. How many tefillos have been whispered in the quiet of the night? How many tears have been shed, pleading with Hashem to send the right one? And yet, one must know with complete emunah that Hashem is mezaveg zivugim. He does not forget a single tefillah. Every moment of waiting, every heartache, is not wasted. It is all part of the grand picture that Hashem is weaving, a picture that will one day be understood in its full beauty.

For those still searching, do not lose heart. Hashem does not delay without purpose. Every moment of yearning is shaping you, refining you, preparing you for the moment when all will become clear. And when that moment comes, when the zivug is found, one will look back and see that every tear, every unanswered question, was leading to something far greater than imagined. Until then, hold strong. Strengthen your emunah. Continue to grow in Torah, in tefillah, in middos. Do not settle for less than what Hashem has destined for you, and do not despair when the road seems long.

For those who have found their zivug, know that the journey does not end under the chuppah. The work of building a bayis ne’eman is lifelong. The same clarity and tefillah that guided you to this point must continue to guide you forward. A marriage of kedushah does not happen on its own; it is built, day by day, through selflessness, through patience, through a shared commitment to Hashem’s will. The yetzer hara does not disappear once one is married; he simply shifts his strategy. But with the same bitachon that brought one to this stage, one can overcome any challenge.

To all, whether searching, engaged, or already married—never stop growing. Never stop striving. Never lose sight of why we seek to build a home in the first place. It is not for us alone; it is for Hashem. It is for Klal Yisrael. It is for generations that will carry the torch of Torah forward. And when the challenges come, as they surely will, remember: you are never alone. Hashem is guiding, shaping, leading you toward the ultimate purpose of your existence. Keep pushing forward. Keep trusting. And may we all merit to build homes filled with light, with Torah, and with the Shechinah resting within.